I am middle aged. Something I am proud of. I don’t mind getting old even if the person who has been bullying me for two years now likes to throw verbal insults, like “you’re old, you LOSER!” in my face. I don’t see myself as old. I see myself as wiser and stronger. And when people meet me they can’t believe that I am as old as I am. So for me getting older is a win win situation. But this isn’t my point. The point is there is a middle-aged “adult” bully in my life at a time when I thought such childish behavior would be behind me.
But, some people are so jealous of others, in fact in love with another person’s life that they have to try and cut it down to make themselves feel better. Can you imagine feeling so worthless that you have to terrorize someone else to feel better about yourself? I doubt it works for her, but this is the only resource she has after 49 some-odd-years of living on this planet. Her only skill set is to humiliate and destroy those she has targeted.
The truth is these adult bullies have no life of their own and it makes them angry. But instead of going out and getting their own life, they waste their time trying to destroy another. My bully likes to harass me in many ways. She has verbally threatened to harm me physically. She has verbally thrown hundreds of insults at me, like “you are old, baron, stupid, and a loser,” just to name of few. All of which, I know are not true. Actually what I have come to realize over the years is this, these are things my bully is made of. She reflects her own inadequacies onto me.
After two years of enduring this bully and doing research on bullying, I can now start to separate myself from it and find the humor in it. Humor is the freedom from any tyranny. My conclusion, my bully is in love with me. This acknowledgement comes from deep within me. The soul knows. This may seem odd, but love has many meanings, one of which is affection based on common interests. Our common interests, my bully wants to be my Facebook friend, my Instagram follower, my Google+ follower, at my home when uninvited, you name it. She is lurking and constantly trying to infiltrate all of my social media and personal life. She really is obsessed with getting a reaction out of me to validate her control.
And yes, I have to admit, she did get me to react, but that was after a year and half of her continuous bullying. I mean, even Mother Theresa would have reacted. We are only human after all. And the research shows it is a natural reaction to want to stick up for yourself. So I reacted exactly how she wanted me to with anger because I was scared. And then she turned it around, got a lawyer, and claimed she was being victimized by me. She is a sneaky mentally disturbed lady. What I should have done was confronted her openly which is recommended. Confront them, with support, an advocate, and ask them to stop.
After two years of researching bullies and examining my own experience I have concluded, my bully is so jealous of me and wants my life so desperately that is has become an obsession and love affair with her. My good life makes her so angry, and since she can’t manage to fulfill her own life she is “hell bent on ruining mine.” My adult bully feels better belittling and threatening harm to others, since usually an adult bully has many victims. Know you are not alone. I can see now, she really has a deep desire to be me. She wishes she had my successful career, my creative talents, and most of all my ability to be in long loving relationships. I know this because she constantly refers to the things in my life as insignificant, while trying to boost her own. Like I care what she has or doesn’t have. I just want to be left alone.
You know when you have those ‘aha moments’ that seem to come from a place higher than yourself? Ever since I had this realization, I am starting to feel better about my situation that will probably be in my life as long as I reside where I do. I realize this bully is not me. The things she says, are about her. I will not take on her troubles. And neither should anyone out there terrorized by a bully. Just realizing a bully is in their own world of anguish, which has nothing to do with you, will make you feel better. And confronting them is empowering. Just make sure you have someone there to support and protect you, if needed. You may find it will stop. You may find it gets worse, which was my case. Yet it has made me realize, my worthy life really bothers her. She is weaker than me. Hate, as powerful as it seems, is always weaker than just.
Tips for stopping an adult bully
Remember their motivation: “Adult bullies act out for the same reasons that kid bullies do; they’re trying to make up for some shortcoming of their own.” But the adult bully has gotten much better at hiding what they do, since they have developed a diagnosable personality disorder, so:
• Separate yourself from them, if possible
• Stop playing the victim, meaning don’t react back
• Take a stand, meaning confront them with preparation and assertion
• Tell someone who can help, get an advocate
• Document the abuse