Have an Identity theft issue? Just ask. Contact me at: 415-889-8721 or email

What is Cyber-Stalking and how to combat it

Cyber-bullying and Cyber-stalking are the same thing. They are serious dysfunctional behavior flaws in a person who causes tremendous danger to their victims. It is a criminal offense even if it rarely gets prosecuted.  Stalking almost always escalates from the initial contact into anything from constant bombardment of hateful and angry slander to physical abuse and even death. Sometimes the death occurs from the stalker themselves and sometimes from the victim who commits suicide to escape the unrelenting torment.

Stalkers are very sick people. They are usually very lonely, insecure, and feel a sense of entitlement for their actions. They also think everyone behaves this way, so in a way they see it as normal. They are not doing anything anyone else wouldn’t do. And they believe the victim deserved it for not placating their wishes.

“According to the Supplemental Victimization Survey (SVS), individuals are classified as victims of stalkers if they experienced at least one of these behaviors on at least two separate occasions. In addition, the individuals must have feared for their safety or that of a family member as a result of the course of conduct, or have experienced additional threatening behaviors that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.” –Bureau of Justice Statistics

The SVS measured stalking behaviors as:

  1. Making unwanted phone calls.
  2. Sending unsolicited or unwanted letters or e-mails.
  3. Following or spying on the victim.
  4. Showing up at places without a legitimate reason.
  5. Waiting at places for the victim.
  6. Leaving unwanted items, presents, or flowers.
  7. Posting information or spreading rumors about the victim on the internet, in a public place, or by word of mouth.


According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics:

  1. During a 12-month period an estimated 14 in every 1,000 persons age 18 or older were victims of stalking.
  2. About half (46%) of stalking victims experienced at least one unwanted contact per week, and 11% of victims said they had been stalked for 5 years or more.
  3. The risk of stalking victimization was highest for individuals who were divorced or separated—34 per 1,000 individuals.
  4. Women were at greater risk than men for stalking victimization; however, women and men were equally likely to experience harassment.
  5. Male (37%) and female (41%) stalking victimizations were equally likely to be reported to the police.
  6. Approximately 1 in 4 stalking victims reported some form of cyberstalking such as e-mail (83%) or instant messaging (35%).
  7. 46% of stalking victims felt fear of not knowing what would happen next.
  8. Nearly 3 in 4 stalking victims knew their offender in some capacity.
  9. More than half of stalking victims lost 5 or more days from work.


So what can we do as victims of stalkers?

  1. Avoid these people at all cost, don’t play into their hate and anger.
  2. Keep a record and journal of everything that happens.
  3. Keep all emails, text messages and phone calls for proof of the stalking.
  4. Notify the police, even though they most likely will do nothing, at least it’s on court record.
  5. Block the cyber-stalker from all access to your social networking accounts.
  6. Report stalkers to those same social-media companies, so they have a record of the assaults.
  7. Get new email accounts.
  8. Change your phone number and/or block the stalker from calling.
  9. Let close family and friends know of your dilemma in case of foul play. If you know the stalker give these confidants your stalkers name and information just in case it is needed by the authorities.
  10. Talk to a professional or a support group to help you cope with the torture.
  11. Talk to the media about the stalking to make it public knowledge.
  12. And finally, live a happy fulfilled life, it removes the stalkers power over you.
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Removing Trauma or PTSD from your life

Everyone on some level has experienced trauma in their lives. Trauma or PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) happens when we experience something threatening or terrifying in our lives. It can be a car accident, an invasive surgery, being abused as a child, serving in a war, and any victimization including identity theft can leave us with trauma.

What happens to most of us humans is that we don’t properly remove the trauma from our bodies. If we don’t remove this high energy that is produced during a flight or fight experience then we can live a in constant state of stress consciously or unconsciously waiting for the next threat to come and getting triggered by everyday occurrences.

Animals do this instinctually in the wild. According to Dr Peter Levine, “animals spontaneously ‘discharge’ this excess energy through involuntary movements including shaking, trembling, and deep spontaneous breaths.” returning the animal to a normalized state. If an animal doesn’t do this it will die in the wild.

Humans have mostly lost this ability to normalize after trauma because we think too much. We try to rationalize the trauma (denial), we shame ourselves (dissociate), and we fear (immobilize) the trauma which can “disrupt our innate capacity to self-regulate, functionally “recycling” disabling terror and helplessness.”

When the nervous system does not reset after an overwhelming experience we can develop many symptoms such as nightmares, sleeplessness, phobias, depression, chronic pain, immune problems, and the list goes on.

I have been through so many therapy sessions trying to recover from PTSD, trying to fix my mind but what I discovered in my own personal research is that trauma and PTSD are healed through the body not the mind. Once I turned my focus to this concept I started to see dramatic results.

Recognizing my body and the energy that I produced both good and bad brought an awareness that changed my stress levels and reduced my threat response. I was amazed how often I was in overdrive when I thought I was completely normal or calm. I wasn’t. I just had been so used to being on alert it became my norm and this is not good. Techniques I use that are successfully removing my trauma (and let me tell you I have a lot) are:

Tapping; for more info: The Gold Standard for Tapping

SE (Somatic Experiencing); for more info: SOMATIC EXPERIENCING (SE™)

Affirmation Massage ©2014: This is a technique I have developed that really works to relieve chronic pain from trauma. And it is easy because a massage practitioner does most of the work; you just have to be mindful throughout the massage. I took the concepts from both tapping and SE. I repeat body accepting affirmations while I am being massaged by the massage practitioner. As they work through my body I work through accepting my body. For example let’s say the practitioner is working on my calf leg. I will repeat in my mind, “I totally and completely accept and love my leg. My leg is relaxed and free of pain. I love my leg.” You can use whatever affirmation works best for you but it is important to keep this focus throughout the massage and allow yourself to feel your body and accept your body. It works! I have had the nice effects of a massage last weeks instead of days.

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Climb when it comes to injustice

“There will never be a hill you don’t have to climb when it comes to injustice in this world, you just have to keep climbing.” — Ralph Nader

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Be safe on Facebook with Facecrooks

Great website to help you be safer on Facebook. Go to: facecrooks.com

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